Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
