I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
