i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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