The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize