If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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