this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
