don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
did i walk over a car last night?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
