No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
my poor anus
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
