also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude i'm inner monologue high
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
