fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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