that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
