You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize