it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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