If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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