fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize