I'd wear matching sweaters with you
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
