I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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