did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
