Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
