I am full of burrito and curiosity
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
