ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize