i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
