WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Boobs are out for the taking
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
