If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
