So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
