I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Im part way to drunk.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize