Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
