When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
