Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
