she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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