But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize