How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
