Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
