Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
