Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
