a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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