Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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