sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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