someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
