okay pat passed out under dana's car
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize