I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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