you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
