come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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