idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
