so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
