Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
