There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize