Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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