guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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