Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
