so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
