i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
