her vagine was all disorganized.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
