I want to stick my p in your. b.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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