does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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