real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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