fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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