I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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