Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
