kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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