Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
