Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
