I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
