just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
