hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
