i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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