Got a toothbrush?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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