I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
