From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize