I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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